as far back as i could remember

"i always wanted to be a gangster!!"........ Ray Liotta Goodfellas (1991)

those words couldnt have described what i wanted to be when i was younger. a hard nosed hard bodied gangster. i gotta blame my older brother for that. it was he who, when i was 11 gave me a cassette tape of NWA EFILFORZIGGAN and 2Live Crew's Banned in the Usa and nasty as they wanna be.

my fate has been sealed since!

for the next 9 years that defined who i was. true, i knew the consequences that came with the lifestyle of being a real gangster. i'd read most of my dads newsweek magazines, painting the most vivid pictures of the murders and crimes during the peak of the crips and bloods wars of the early 90's.

the funny thing this, i was a middle class african kid with part private school education, who couldnt be any more dejected farther from the realities of picthing narcotics to survive and turf honour killings. nah! that was tv books movies and news stories, that was someonelse's reality.
i did threaten to shoot someone once though! my brother gave out two beat downs that week, one to the dude i'd threatend, and two, to me for being silly and living in a music video. i mean he had to slap me but once! and never again would that thought cross my mind

years later i look at that incident and think was i realy gonna go through with it? nah! I wasnt. im not cut for prison. not cut for murder! not cut to even raise a hand to anyone ... ( dont get it twisted, i will slap a nigga who oversteps the line though). not cut for arguments on internet forums. i still am a gangster though! oh no doubt! but its different now.

the word gangster to me when i was younger meant something different. gangster is more synonymous with guns, violence, ill gotten excessive living, and non flinching demeanours even at the point of death. these days, being a gangster to me, means getting where you are going by any means neccesary, scored that top gig at work? now thats gangster. taking care of your moms and pops..... now thats gangster. being a gentleman at all times... thats gangster. being a playboy and still be faithfull........ lol, thats gangster.

going for gold, well the goal posts have been changed now, but going for diamond and staying true to your core beliefs, without compromising who you are as a person........ THATS GANGSTER!

either way i look at it, had i picked up a gun, or continued on this path that i am now of breaking new ground, taking risks and facing all odds head on and challenging the norm i was gonna be a gangster.


as far back as i could remember, i always wanted to be a gangster! and as i far forward as i can see im always gonna be a gangster.......

i guess ive always been a gangster, i suppose.......

my perception has just changed

accepting change?

now THATS GANGSTER